The Quotes Thread

[TheSpeedy_]

They are quotes, read the first post.

 

[_Shen]

They are quotes, read the first post.

I understand, but the first post insinuates that these quotes are from personal experiences in your life. I was just letting you know that your post fits better in the Motivation and Inspiration thread.

 

[TheSpeedy_]

I stand by the fact that they are irl quotes, whether they are inspirational or not is to be determined.

 

[Kisos]

Something about a ship and being safe that I saw as graffiti on a large metal bridge....

 

[pheonixsang]

- 2 old ladies while I worked in Retail
"Its such a shame Michael Jackson died, he was such a national treasure"
"Sometimes when I fart, it rains"

- Former co-worker from retail
"Hi excuse me, sir"
"Hi, how can I help you"
"I like this bundle of bananas here, they're exactly what I'm looking for in ripeness but there are 7 bananas connected to the stem. Is there another bundle in the back that looks like these bananas but only 6 Bananas? I only need 6"
*My co-worker takes the bananas from the mans hand, breaks off one banana and throws it behind the double doors into the staging area for the product, splattering it all over the wall in the process*
"Omg, you can do that?!?! That was a perfectly good banana"
"Its F*ckin useless now though ain't it!"

- Conversation between one of my elementary school teachers that wrote my little brother up for sexually harassing another 5 year old.
"Miss ___ , we need to talk to you about your child"
"Oh no, what did @pheonixsang do this time?"
"No, not that child. Shaun, your younger child."
"...but I've never had a problem with Shaun before..."
"Miss, he tied another child up to a tree with a jump rope and practiced french kissing on them until we forced him to stop. This isn't behavior we expect from a 5 year old."
"I'll be talking to him as soon as we get home...thanks for letting me know"
"Please don't let it happen again....please"

edit: little brother is a player

 

[nevik45]

So me and one of my friends are talking, and she said she can't have any boys phone numbers on her phone. So, every couple months, her dad takes her phone...and calls every contact on the phone.
Conversation:
Contact: "Hey! What's up?"
Friend's dad: "Are you a guy?"
Contact: "Wha...who is this?"
Friends dad: "Okay, thanks for the information." *Hangs up*

Then my favorite "that's what she said" joke.
BACKSTORY: In math, we were discussing cross-country. There was a varsity-only meet. I was on the varsity team the last time, but I didn't want to go to that meet.
Me: "I hope I don't have to go to the cross-country meet tomorrow."
Guy: "Don't worry, you won't have to."
Me: "Yeah, I'm horrible at cross-country." (Just to save my pride, I'm actually above average, but all of my friends are a lot better)
Girl: "Yeah, I suck too. We can suck together!" (not any joking intent here)
Guy: *funny expression, rolls head in a funny way* "That's what she said."
We sat there and tried not to laugh for a few minutes. The math teacher just looked at just with the "I don't want to know" expression, then kept teaching.

 

[_Iru]

"When you're in a trench, you really get to know people" - @jakethegardian , MCME Podcast Episode 3

Think about it.

 

[spike010]

Friend 1: "I'm gonna slap this fly as fast as Jackie Chan"
Friend 2: "But Bruce Lee is hotter . . . wait . . . I meant to say faster"

 

[Dallen]

@jakethegardian : "Oh s*** my webcam is still hanging outside my window"

 

[Soap887]

 

[Delmana]

3/27/15 @ 8:21pm on Teamspeak

@CEFKILLA96 : "All Saudi Arabia is is a bunch of Saudis and white people in cages."